Decision-maker

Have you ever been mixed up
with happiness and heaviness 
at one moment?


To place who fathered which emotion
is also one way of knowing
which part of you is working that time,
whether it was established by the brain or the heart
or perhaps in this case, maybe both.
But to decipher which is the decision-maker
happens to be the tough part in that moment of mix-up.


I am happy today, a lazy sunny Sunday.
If I should associate this happiness within my brain
It is because I am listening to my favorite tunes on the radio
It may sound cheesy, 
but I am actually a true blue jazz music fan.


I like those inconsistent 
lingering indefinite and 
where-does-this-lead-to melody and vocals. 
Tickling clickety clicks of the piano, high pitch horns,
scats, shi-shing cymbals and shakers,
tingling bells and chimes, talking acoustics,
baby-ooh-you-make-me bedroom vocals….
they really get to me.


Maybe because it’s also how I see and draw art.
Emotionally, I feel the same way.
What my brain is nibbling on, 
the jazz music flowing in my ear
that soothes my mind
and takes me back to memory lane,
tranquils my senses, 
is also the same music which fills the loss in my heart.


This music that sparks my mind to imagine
is also making my heart feel alive again.


Going back, I have never heard 
of a person whose heart can be divided,
Yet there is such a thing as divided thinking.
The mind can certainly play tricks on us, 
or in my case
my mind plays a big role
in my emotional stability.


My head still rules over my heart.
Whatever my head dictates, my heart follows.
At least that’s what I think I am doing.