I Fear

I fear the unknown, who doesn't?

I fear for if THESE things continue...I might split in two.

The dress came with a free fur shrug.

I was reserving it for the occasion, 
as any normal human being

wanting to meet the basic needs of men?

Or do I brave to choose 
THE REAL WORLD I LIVE IN

and knowingly be able to meet the demands

despite the complex disorders?

To feel like a robot and to believe it will all end.

I smile, though I already bought my black gown

halter-type, satin ribbon-ed, fitted 
in case it creeps back...

I look at my lava lamp

and I fear it is coming soon.

What do I do now? 

I fear to continue a normal life should be 

and continue what needs to be done to

completely explore my world and needs of men?

Not fear and not mind, 

to let people think I am abnormal,

diseased, disabled, unwell,

What are my choices here?

continue life like how people

and the norm dictates it?

I smell my death nears

should I choose that path;

Or, keep living

while bullshitting people

whom I know I taught

courtesy, patience, 

perseverance, respect, 

faith, trust, and love...

the beauty of recollection, 

reflection, and belief in oneself,

what family really is and 

what parents are all about

and how we should be made of.

Maybe because some people

can't accept I know too much for my age

and that it's unbelievable,

so I get slapped back with it.

I feel sick...I want to be BRAVE 

and embrace fear that it is part of life, 

but I want to do things in the REAL WORLD I WANT TO LIVE IN.